I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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