Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
