First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
