His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
