Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
