oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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