You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
