no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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