On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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