Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
