now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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