based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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