Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
