Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize