have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
