I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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