I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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