I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
