I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
