Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
