Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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