I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
