I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just pee around me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
