it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
All the doctor said was why
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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