If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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