I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
