New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
