We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I need to align my fucking chakras
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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