ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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