Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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