I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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