Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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