My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
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So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
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I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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