ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
