I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
