pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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