College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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