just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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