Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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