8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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