Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
