Girls should come with a carfax report
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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