Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
