We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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