Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the day after is always just damage control
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
