Barsexuality is the new black.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
