thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
