cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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