eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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