I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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