hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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