Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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