do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
