eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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