when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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