Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.