I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.