Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My first STD was from a foam party

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  (202): My first STD was from a foam party http://tfl.nu/z9i4
  Replies (10) Good night (753) Bad night (1370)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.

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  (206): This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it. http://tfl.nu/dmrx
  Replies (13) Good night (1915) Bad night (578)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.

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  (757): I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving. http://tfl.nu/twkc
  Replies (36) Good night (3100) Bad night (1130)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i wish starbucks made bloody marys

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  (314): i wish starbucks made bloody marys http://tfl.nu/p9ip
  Replies (21) Good night (4027) Bad night (740)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for

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  (440): Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for http://tfl.nu/xrwv
  Replies (12) Good night (4761) Bad night (605)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?

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  (231): At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive? http://tfl.nu/xcbd
  Replies (14) Good night (3679) Bad night (837)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.

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  (303): It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes. http://tfl.nu/06hp
  Replies (36) Good night (921) Bad night (9708)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.

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  (734): i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up. http://tfl.nu/9mj6
  Replies (12) Good night (1019) Bad night (3759)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work

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  (816): Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work http://tfl.nu/ppy0
  Replies (16) Good night (1757) Bad night (3764)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.

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  (516): Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko. http://tfl.nu/dtru
  Replies (10) Good night (2619) Bad night (1055)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route

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  (519): Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route http://tfl.nu/dfjg
  Replies (6) Good night (3193) Bad night (788)
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  (408): View more from California

  Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos

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  (408): Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos http://tfl.nu/v3p3
  Replies (4) Good night (1292) Bad night (635)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...

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  (563): Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before... http://tfl.nu/eiiu
  Replies (9) Good night (642) Bad night (1743)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.

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  (832): Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away. http://tfl.nu/sac9
  Replies (1) Good night (991) Bad night (586)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.

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  (303): He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door. http://tfl.nu/ylk0
  Replies (3) Good night (1507) Bad night (580)

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