Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
