this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.