Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
