My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
