get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
