The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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