thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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