It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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