I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
