You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
