I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
