Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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