Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
