So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
