he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
