Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
