My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
