it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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