So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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