where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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