just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
