Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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